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discrimination, feminism, language, prostitute, rants, sex industry, Sex Work, slut, stigma, whore shame
And other words you shouldn’t call me…
You may have noticed the name of my blog and my frequent use of the word whore. A lot of people have wondered why I use that particular word and many have suggested that I shouldn’t. Some people have told me that in order to win more friends I should not use such strong language, others have told me that I shouldn’t put myself down like that, I should have more pride. I’ve also been told that it is such an evil word that we should rid it from our language, no woman is a whore.
I would just like to respond to those comments before I continue:
- I’m anonymous, I don’t need to compromise who I am here in order to make friends. This blog is not about conforming to appease people, it’s about sharing myself in order to offer a perspective on… being a whore.
- Thanks for your concern but I have so much whore pride its dangerous, have you read my blog? Does it look like I’m consumed in hooker shame? Whore isn’t my confession and I’m not asking for your forgiveness.
- And guess what? you’re wrong! some women (and others) are whores… Hi! Sorry, you can’t rid me from your language!
Whore is a word I am choosing to reclaim to describe the job I do and the stigma I face. The fact that it upsets so many people only reaffirms my desire to call myself a whore and watch the people squirm. Why does a sexually and/or financially independent or liberated or adventurous or nonconforming woman stress you out so much? Why is whore so much more offensive than say – wife or student or nurse and all of the stereotypes they imply. Who cares if I’m a whore! Whore whore whore whore whore!! I like the word slut for the same reason. As women these words control us in ways that are so ingrained in society and in our own psyche we barely recognise them. What are we so ashamed of? What are we scared of? Or who cares so much about the sex life of the person next to us? And what even is a slut or a whore? Just words often used as nasty insults rather than a descriptions of someones sex life or work life or both. Lets face it, how many people reading this have been called a whore or a slut, or called someone else a whore or a slut and it had absolutely nothing to do with sex or money? Anyone has the potential to be called a whore or a slut, these words serve to control us all by shaming some of us. The more we all run from these words, the more power they have. By reclaiming the word whore I feel like I am taking away its sting and its ability to hurt me and at the same time I am standing up to the whore hating slut shaming bullies. Standing up with woman kind, with slut kind and with whore kind, with human kind, standing tall and united.
When you call her a slut, you call me a slut, and we are all sluts… now what? Yes I am a whore, I have sex for money which makes me a whore.. so what?
Not only that, I think Whore is so powerful and strong and has an ancient and sacred context. Almost a modern day witch. I am a whore. Hear me roar!
That doesn’t mean all of us are ok with the word whore. Given that it is still used in very derogatory ways, and is considered an insult of the worst kind by most people in our society, you better be careful who you are calling a whore. Sex worker is the politically correct terminology. If you are referring to another sex worker you should use sex work and sex worker unless told otherwise.
Sex worker is the preferred language because it places sex work clearly as work. It doesn’t hold any connotations and it doesn’t make any judgements. It includes all of our community in all our diversity and shows respect to our stated wishes. Basically you should call us sex workers because we said so, and you don’t need a better reason than that.
You should not call us prostitutes. Well not without our permission. In Australia many sex workers find the ‘P’ word offensive. In everyday language prostitute has come to mean sell out or without morals and has nothing to do with the type of work we do. IE/ ‘he is now prostituting himself to corporate sector’. Even when describing our work prostitution is not always accurate. Prostitution generally refers to full sexual intercourse whereas many sex workers do not provide intercourse. I personally am not upset by the word prostitute, but if you are in the media or in politics and you use the P word despite having being asked not to thousands of times by sex workers and our representative organisations, then shame on you! You should know better! Sex worker is what you have been asked to call us, have some respect!
Other names I have been called include hooker, escort, masseuse, working girl, lady of the night, mattress actress, call girl, ho, street walker and many many many more.
They all hold their connotations and we all identify with and/or hate them differently. I personally do not identify as an escort because an escort visits the client in their hotel or home or whatever whereas I more often provide an inhouse service. I don’t mind being called a hooker, but if you’re using the word ho or whore you better use it with love. And that’s just me.
If you don’t know what language someone uses to describe themselves, use sex worker. If you’re speaking formally to or about sex workers, say sex worker. At parties and BBq’s, in the media and in online conversations, say sex worker. Inhouse sex workers, street based sex workers, escort/visiting sex workers, sex workers in strip clubs and in the porn industry, phone sex workers, male, female and gender diverse sex workers, young sex workers, migrant sex workers, private and independent sex workers, sex workers employed in brothels and agencies. Sex workers, sex workers, sex workers. You get the idea.
I know it might sound confusing, I can call myself a whore or whatever else I want but you have to call me a sex worker. If you think about it though, you will notice many marginalised groups are reclaiming and using language that was once used derogatorily against them, while at the same time asking people outside of their community use language that is neutral and respectful. You have no right to reclaim language on behalf of a marginalised community you don’t belong to unless you have been given permission. And even then, permission is usually only good for a specific circumstance or context and does not necessarily give you a free pass to say what you want when you want just because you once dated someone who didn’t mind being called a prostitute. If you are not a sex worker and you choose to use language that holds negative connotations to describe us or our work without any right to do so, you are being disrespectful. If you continue to use disrespectful language even after you have been asked not you, you are a bigot.
To put it another way,
I am a whore amongst whores, a sex worker in public and If you are lucky enough to meet me socially or get me behind closed doors… you can call me Jane.
Your post re calling yourself a whore is thorough and perfect. I would add one thing, which is my coinage of the term “true whore”. I define the true whore as a woman who respects the work and respects herself doing it. She has at least a subconscious inkling of herself as an incarnation of the ancient sacred prostitute. In my book, Are They Bad Girls or Brilliant?, I elaborate on the true whore.
I’m not sure I agree with the designation of “true whore.” As opposed to… what, exactly? Anyone working in the sex industry, regardless of self-respectability, deserves our support. They should not be further stigmatized as inauthentic or as not a “true whore.” Perhaps I misunderstand your argument?
In any case, thank you, BecauseImAWhore! Lovely post. I wish I could call you “Jane”
I totally agree that everyone in the industry deserves our support. I don’t mean to slight anyone with my “true whore” coinage. My purpose is to exalt the whore, to help all whores everywhere be aware of and proud of their sacred heritage, and to help all ambivalent whores give themselves permission to feel exalted. The “true whore” is a whore who understands she is worthy. I want to help every whore both attain that certitude and to own that inner gift, no matter what the world tells her a whore is.
I particularly love this post. Words have a big force in them, and you explained the which and the why here.
As for me, old French has a lot of different words to fit for sex workers, but my favorite will stay mermaid (but only in a few contexts ).
“Whore” she calls me. Eileen Panko would still call me a whore if she could.
I started working as an exotic dancer when I was 21. Over the years, whenever I would run into this lady, who has known me all of my life from my childhood church, she would walk right up to my face and call me a whore. It did not matter that I was an exotic dancer to her, I was a whore. I have been called whore so much even by my own father when I was 13 and started to wear make-up that I am used to it. In fact, I wear this title well as a sex worker advocate. Whore I am.
Recently, I ran into Eileens’ son. In his excitement to talk to me he mentioned his mother and that she was in the near vacinity and I should say hello to her. I gently touched his arm to inform him that I would not say hello to his mother as she always calls me a whore and I am not going to take it anymore. He looked surprised and said “I did not know she had done that!” In fact, she has had five strokes, is blind and in a wheelchair.
Silently, I applauded karma verbally, I expressed my condolences to him and wished his mother well.
People also get offended when I say I am a whore – I scrub toilets and do demo work to provide for my living (as if this needs defending!) However, I figure I may as well get it out before they do! Then, it is out in the open and nothing more to decide.
Expression of the subjugation of women will continue to be the cause of debate. I am glad to be in a forum where whore can be discussed in the proper connotation.
I really dig your articles, so articulate and well presented in such a manor that you have more class than 80% of “regular” women.
Thank you for your writing this blog. I’ve always admired sex workers, and you write better opinion pieces than most major new outlets.
I look forward to the next post, I’d rather read your down to earth & realistic writing about your work, then some bs story by some moralistic con artist.
B
Hi all,
Thanks for reading and for your compliments. I found this one a little difficult to write. I’m glad you liked it.
Yeah, im not sure about true whore. like what’s the opposite? But I think that Aphrodite Phoenix was talking about a particular meaning of the word whore, that of thee sacred whore and our modern day incarnations. Perhaps we should read their book!
Thanks again everybody.
I prefer Jane
Jane, I am a male whore for your honest writings. big tick!
I love this post so much! Thank you!
Another excellent post! Perfect timing,too: on one of the forums here, in New Zealand, one of the punters asked what he should call us. I’ll just post a link to this!
Well said
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Great read , and hopefully will change some attitudes towards sex workers.
As someone who calls herself both a whore and a slut, thank you.
I’ve been following you for about a month and greatly appreciate the things you have to say. The history of whoring and whores and whoredom is quite long and varied, but it is only in comparatively recent times and limited places that it’s become such an “obscene” word.
Keep up the good work (both online and under sheet).
Cheers
Hi,Jane!
(I know some of them personally..hehehehe)
There is a new website here in NZ called escorts blog (www.escortsblog.co.nz). It just launched today. It is owned and maintained by the same people who own Adult Forum (www.adultforum.co.nz) and New Zealand Girls. Would you like some (or all) of your blog posts published there?
Obviously, it’s free and it’ll give you more audience and exposure. I know for a fact quite a few Aussie punters frequent AF
If you’re interested, you can contact the owner: he is “Adult Forum” on AF-you can private message him.
Cheers,
Yana
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Because you have sex for money is pathetic and desperate Also I don”t think the word “Whore” is powerful or respectful And prostitute is a better word But in the end it is wrong
alexander, commenting on my personal blog just so you can give me your judgements and insults is patheitc and desperate and in the end you are wrong. Bye now.
umadhoe? I’m with Alexander. I’d rather sound professional and organized than like some easy street piece of meat. Do you think me and 5 other guys could slide our cock in you all at once and call us Frank? Also, Not only here to troll. I kinda stumbled across your blog, looking for trash to feed my addiction. But when fantasy meets reality the rules change and I get repulsed and or bored as it may be. Thank you for saving me from wanking off to some dirty whore getting pounded in a porno.
Take this comment as you please, shove it up your ass while you let it boil in your mind. My name is John David Carrington. You know my name, in full. You may pretend to be proud to be a whore but in reality it is the ones that seek independance that crave submission. You are disgusting and seeing as you have a right to express your feelings I will make my own known to you and any other two-faced-two-bit crusty pussy stanky wreaking ass whore. first there was gay pride, now we have “Look at me, everything fucks me for money” pride? Really? If gay pride were so prideful, then why so easily insulted? And if you want to express your feelings in public and leave it open to reply you can suck on my words and take in every inch of what I have to say like a well trained whore that you claim to be proud to be. (Also in hopes your attention seeking that is quite embarrassing to even see gets shut down I would like to say “I lost my train of thought” Because of all the heroin and cocaine I do to get by each day after a long night at “work”) Grow the fuck up you sleezy cheesy ass waste of human space. I hope to god you never have children either, that would be apalling to know such a desperate ass hoe that got treated like a piece of meat growing up would go about willingly giving in and becoming a piece of meat for all the boys and girls actually had a child. I mean good god, what will you do? raise your daughter to fuck anything that is solid, rigid, round and smooth? No wait, don’t anwser that. I know the anwser you pile of douchebaggery.
You are nothing, with or without independance, with or without money, whore. You are a whore. You are nothing. And now that I have given you all of my time I am going to continue.
I have known nothing but whores and cheaters. This century officially became the cespool of whores. Claimed or not really, all women are a whore, so why not just say “I’m proud to be inferior to men lay on my back and take their cock in my pussy because lets face it. That’s all I’m good for” And get it over with. If I haven’t ripped you enough and or just yet. I’ll be back. But all women are whores. I just so happened to wise up before I fed into the follow the crowd shit. I’d rather not sleep with every man every one of you fuck dolls slept with from middle school and up until this point. Mmmk? You want independant, check it bitch. I do not need head to make money and get the shit I want and need.
Can you tell the reason why it is pathetic to have sex for money? There is really none good reasons. If you care about that you dont get any std’s there is no problem with whoring. Pull your head from the middle ages to the future and give respect to so called “whores”. They or we are actually really nice people, open minded and not judgemental.
Whore aka Woman High on Racy Energy
How can you possibly know that someone having sex for money is pathetic and desperate? Some sex workers really love what they do, and love their clients’ appreciation. Sex work can actually feel very empowering.
This guy takes misogyny to a whole new level. His twice-stated hateful comment, “All women are whores” , says it all. He hates women, he needs help and the next serial killer of women that makes headlines may be him.
Actually bitch. I think your comment and every woman in this forum plus the fact you stupid bimbo tricks like taking dog bones and burying them in something moist and dirty pretty much says it all. You women of this timeline ARE disgusting untrustworthy and useless. Without morals AND you are bold enough to even open your mouth to me? First off slut. I grew up without a girlfriend because the only woman I loved got married to someone else, then she cheated on her husband. I became one of her victems even though I tried to make her swear not to just make me a fling. I gave myself to 1 woman when I was TWENTY TWO I gave into temptation because I loved her. But I had seen plenty of women, being realistic here about 80 to 90% of which that truly are whores. My best friends suffer the same thing as me, and before you idiots say I’m a bad guy, keep in mind I’ve slept with 2 women in my entire life, had numerous girlfriends that were moving too fast and cheated. And ya da ya da ya da. So do be quiet okay?
PS: I hatee men as much as I hate women. Never bi-sexual. I just see how they talk, they are either fake around their buddies or incredibly shallow. hate women because they are disgustingly shameful to themselves, hate men because they are just as shameful.
Actually bitch. I think your comment and every woman in this forum plus the fact you stupid bimbo tricks like taking dog bones and burying them in something moist and dirty pretty much says it all. You women of this timeline ARE disgusting untrustworthy and useless. Without morals AND you are bold enough to even open your mouth to me? First off slut. I grew up without a girlfriend because the only woman I loved got married to someone else, then she cheated on her husband. I became one of her victems even though I tried to make her swear not to just make me a fling. I gave myself to 1 woman when I was TWENTY TWO I gave into temptation because I loved her. But I had seen plenty of women, being realistic here about 80 to 90% of which that truly are whores. My best friends suffer the same thing as me, and before you idiots say I’m a bad guy, keep in mind I’ve slept with 2 women in my entire life, had numerous girlfriends that were moving too fast and cheated. And ya da ya da ya da. So do be quiet okay?
PS: I hatee men as much as I hate women. Never bi-sexual. I just see how they talk, they are either fake around their buddies or incredibly shallow. hate women because they are disgustingly shameful to themselves, hate men because they are just as shameful.
Alexandra… So you think having sex for money is pathetic and desperate..OK… How about having it to entrap someone into a marriage to ensure your security for the years to come.. Or simply because you want to be a married woman,as it,apparently, carries more prestige.. Or continuing to have sex with someone you’re married to as a reward for your husband’s “good behavior” or because you’ve charged up the credit card $5000 last month? Or because you like your status in the community as a married woman and would like to continue enjoying it? A lot of my clients (yes, I am a whore as well, or a prostitute as you seem to prefer) comment on how they’d rather have straight-forward, boundaries-defined sexual transaction with a prostitute vs. complicated RELATIONSHIP,where they get manipulated all the time, have (often very mediocre and un-imaginative,basic) sex dangle in front of them like a carrot as an incentive and made feel guilty for even asking for it. Besides, relationships often end up in a mess, which is MUCH,MUCH more expensive as just paying a prostitute and with innocent by-standers (like children, mutual friends and other family members) getting hurt in the process…. Ponder this for a minute
The point that was made is that it’s a woman’s choice how she makes her money and if whoring provides an income and the whore enjoys her job then what is pathetic about it? it’s more pathetic to be so close minded that someone like Alexandra sees it as pathetic… it’s not desperate if it’s a choice to whore! The blogger so well articulates the whole situation and it’s clear her career is a choice not an act of desperation. TheCourtesan…. what you wrote reminds me of what Sinead O’Connor said “but I define success differently in this spiritually bereft business. To me, it’s ‘Can I be myself?’ I could stand in the street and sing and get enough to pay the bills. I don’t need millions of dollars. That was why I tore up the pope’s picture – I knew I had enough money that I didn’t have to marry a man with a very small penis to get the bills paid. I don’t want any man to have control over me. And that is success.” She’s in the music industry and gets criticised for her choices! She got told she was crazy for liking sex? I wonder where people get their values from…. There’s nothing pathetic and desperate about living the life you choose, it takes courage and many pinches of salt.
i cant speak for sex work because ive never done the sex for money thing—but i can speak from my own experiences—-if one wants to talk about what is degrading or pathetic, think on this—-i never had a one night stand or a fwb throw a bowl of soup in my face, or purposely wound me with personal insults and nasty names, but i have had a husband do both of those things—-make of that what you will
I have been a sex worker all of my adult life and I totally embrace the name Whore. It’s not what I am but it’s WHO I am. I became a Whore as a young girl by my own choosing. I knew by age 10 that I wanted to provide sexual pleasure as a career. My Auntie mentored me through my impressionable years and into my teens and by my 13th birthday I had a reputation of being the best blowjob in the area and one of the best pieces of ass they’d ever had. When people ask me what I do for a living I hold my head high and tell them “I’m a Whore”.
Just last week a popular WG here in New Zealand was assaulted during a boooking…
Here’s the account of what’s actually happenned in her own words and the events surrounding it
http://courtesansdiary.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/the-ugly-side-of-industry-and-why-we.html
When my son was 2 months old i was fuckn a dirty ghetto rat puerto rican kid behind my mans back. While my mom was watching my 2 month old son and my man was working i was sucking spick dick.
Am i a slut or what
U r the #1 slut in my book. Did u kiss ur after u sucked that dirty dickk
Feed yasi…the bitch might starve…haha…
Yasi needs food
Dora told me how u couldnt afford to feed ur pet YASI…..NOW THAT DIRTY DOG DIED
Dora told me how u couldnt afford to feed ur pet YASI….
geee a whole lotta fun been had on the comments section of this post. ya’ll come back now you hear?
I am a whore and a home wrecker
Good post. I wrote a similar article about how ‘prostitute’ and ‘whore’ are used synonymously….as if implying the same thing. Indeed we act like whores as part of expectation of our profession (in Modern times), yet in my observation many women are just selling themselves for survival (nothing to do with the pleasures of promiscuous sex).
Here’s my post:
http://exoticescortdiary.com/2012/06/15/prostitute-and-whore-2-terms-with-not-the-same-meaning/
I am a Whore for both reasons. The pay is great and I get a lot of sex which I desperately need. I am horny 24/7/365 and I constantly crave sex I have been this way all of my life. I have never been sexually satisfied yet, no matter how much I get I am always wanting more. For me it is the perfect job, I get more sex than I could any other way and I get paid to do something I really enjoy doing.
I’ve been in the ‘biz’ off and on for years. I’m basically a semanticist and I realized when I was twelve that whatever you do for money that you really don’t want to do, isn’t your choice but you need the money, a job you hate, and I like my clients I might add, all those things are ‘prostitution’. Language has taken a back seat to politics and reality, it’s a shame. I’m a whore, too! Thanks, Megan
P.S. I had a wonderful Orthodox Jewish therapist once who told me to go out and get a regular job and then I could come and talk about resentments. She said I had it great, and no matter what you just have to be yourself if it’s not abusing anyone, or especially with me, animals. There’s a special place for those people…
She is right! I have worked straight jobs and regretted it and returned to being a Whore. It is not the job for every woman but for some of us it is the perfect job.