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There is a joke that goes ‘when you pay a hooker, you’re not paying for sex, you’re paying for her to leave afterwards.’

My standard full service, like most others i know, is sold in time blocks of half an hour or an hour. Many sex workers offer shorter ‘quicki’ sessions and many specialise in longer bookings including over nights, dinner dates or even holidays and companionship. But personally i hate that shit. I’d much rather stick to my routine, do my thing and get them in and out. I can’t be bothered making half the money doing twice the work talking and being interesting, charming and unnoffensive  for prolonged periods of time.

Im a wam bam thankyou mam kinda hooker. Fucking is way easier than talking and faking an orgasm during boring sex is way easier than faking interest in a boring conversation.

But hey that’s just me. Luckily there are heaps of sex workers who feel differently and happily cater to the huge diversity of clients and their preferences.

I digress….

So when you sell your services in such a time limited manner as 30 and 60 minute blocks and charge handsomely for  you get kinda obsessive about time. I time all my bookings by the song on the CD i play. In a half hour booking its 1 song on straight massage, 2nd song the massage gets a lil sexier, 3rd song i turn them over… etc. The goal is to make sure I go through all the motions in the time allowed, leaving 10 mins for both of us to shower afterwards. Time management is so important. The way I manages their time is one of the ways I stay in control. I don’t want to go overtime and rip myself off, but I also don’t want to run through my entire routine too quickly and be left handing control over to the client, or kick them out too early leaving him feeling ripped off ensuring they wont return again ready to part with their hard earned cash.

All this without looking a clock during the booking. Ever. God forbid, you be accused of being a ‘clockwatcher’ (a term used in internet escort review forums to describe workers who constantly check the clock and make you feel rushed).

But no matter how well i plan it, there are times when my timelines fall short. For whatever reason, there are many times when we have arrived at the final destination 15 mins into a half hour booking, or worse, an hour booking. Maybe its cos the clients eyes were too big for their belly and they booked an hour when they only needed half, or maybe its just im so good at my job. Or maybe i miss calculated my songs.

Now the whole point of this post is….. So they cum too early…….then what? Then i have to use my powers of mind reading, which i use often throughout the course of a sex work booking. In this case i’m using mind reading powers to guess whether the client in question is from the ‘she better not be a clock watcher, time thief’ school of thought, or the ‘im paying for her to leave, not guilt trip me into staying here and chatting about the weather for the next 15 mins” school of thought.

Dont get me wrong, once they come, we dont go again, but i will offer a massage or a chat, or a shower, or….. whatevs, just to fill in the time. But i have this distinct feeling that after the erotic rush is physically released, like the very second it is expelled from their body, they just want to get out of there, in a hurry. But almost just as often, i think they feel guilty cumming and then just going.

I’d love it if they did cum then just go.

But instead we more often sit there and exchange awkward words, or I lazily and boringly massage them for the never ending minutes (or CD songs) till it’s acceptable for us both to mutually finish the booking. With a smile.

I want to say, ‘it’s fine to leave now you know’ but my mind reading skills are confused by their busy, anxious and sometimes annoying attempt to conform to the unwritten rules of “how to behave respectfully after sex with a woman you dont know” code of conduct.

Bless them. Just put your pants on and go already.

Eventually the song signals ‘it’s time’ and i tap their bum dismissively and jump up disappearing to the shower. When i return, they are dressed. I show them the door and kiss them on the cheek:

“thankyou, please cum again.”