Im not sure exactly what you all think goes on during a sex work booking, but from the conversations i have with people about sex work, it seems folks have gotten the wrong idea. Now i don’t claim to speak for all sex workers, and i realise i am only just one person. But I have done a lot of reading and talking, and i have met a lot of other sex workers over the years, i have worked with lots of sex workers over the years. I feel pretty confident that my experiences are similar to many other sex workers experiences. I am not the only sex worker saying:
I find sex work boring not abusive.
I often find the bookings mundane and repetitive. I find my thoughts drifting to a phone conversation i had earlier, or writing a shopping list in my head or trying to figure out where i am up to in my song timings. The sex is mostly vanilla, the clients simple, the bookings uneventful.
My clients don’t want to hurt me
My clients ask if i kiss and cuddle, not try to hurt or rape me. I dont particularly care for my clients, but i certainly do not hold any ill feelings towards them. And i have not had clients who display any ill feeling towards me. I occasionally have clients who try to push the boundaries of my service and i have occasionally had clients who did not show me the respect that i would like, but i have not been raped by a client, and i have not been hit by a client. Maybe i have just been lucky. Luckier than i have been in my personal life. Or maybe not all clients want to hurt sex workers. Most of my clients are quiet, nervous, shy with often very basic sexual interests. Again… boring.
I don’t have a pimp.
I have at different times worked for an employer, in partnerships with other workers and i currently work for myself. I chose to do sex work. I called the agency, they didn’t approach me. I told them when i could and couldn’t work so it fit around my other commitments. I wasn’t being fed drugs by men with gold chains and a cane and bad temper. I wasn’t a runaway. I will mention i have had some shitty sex industry employers, both men and women. But nothing that some OH&S regulations and industrial protections couldn’t fix. I am fighting for smoke free workplaces and shorter shifts, not fighting cos i was tied to a bed and forced to do anything…. again, boring.
I know how to say no:
And i do regularly. I, like most sex workers have do’s and don’ts in my service. My service is a standard vanilla full service. I stay in control throughout the booking, taking the lead, providing the service to the client. I do not sell my body to my client, or even rent it. My clients do not expect to be able to do whatever they want to me, like a piece of meat with no holes bared. No. I give a great massage, i don’t do anal, i always use condoms for sex and oral, and put your hands here not here please. Controlled, negotiated, safe, regulated……… boring.
I’m not a callgirl, a junkie or a nymph.
Im just your regular average looking, plain dressing, vagina possessing, consenting adult. You wont pick me on the bus. You wont notice me as we both pick up our children from school. Im not going to tell you happy hooker stories at a party. I’m not going to show up dead in a dumpster. I’m not waiting to be rescued, and i’m not making a million bucks a night in designer suits and perfect hair, a credit card machine and a pager. Im just me. A woman going to work, coming home, and doing my thing discreetly…. boring.
Boring plain unexciting sex workers like me exist everywhere, just like our even more boring clients. Don’t forget about us in you’re feminist theory, in your law making, in your newspapers, in your crime shows, in your romantic comedies, in your dinner conversations, your social research and when your making assumptions about sex work.
And don’t presume the person you’re talking to hasn’t done sex work. We’re everywhere. But we’re not likely to tell you.