And I don’t mean the American meaning of ‘bad dates’ which is a term for sex work clients who are violent or ‘bad’. I mean the Australian version, romantic dates that were not very good. This post is about the times when I flirted with the taboo, I mixed business with pleasure, I decided to date a client.
It’s probably not something you will hear a lot about, because, well, clients are forbidden fruit. I used to have a rule: if you met me as a hooker, you will never meet the real me, and if you meet the real me, you will never meet me as a hooker (with the exception of other hookers). But, ill be honest, I have dated clients. Have being the important word there, I have, but I wont ever again!
When you work for other people, in a brothel or whatever, it is pretty easy to be clear about your boundaries, the booking only lasts for a certain amount of time, you have someone making sure you don’t go over time, exchanging any kind of personal information such as phone numbers or emails will be seen as you trying to poach business from the agency, when organising bookings the client only deals with the agency, and if you get caught seeing clients outside of work, you will lose your job.
But when you work for yourself, you have to be your own boss. You have to be super vigilant about your boundaries. You have to flirt over the phone, just enough to let them think your interested, but not enough to let them think your interested for free. You can’t pretend you love every second with them and then blame your boss when you can’t give them another 5 mins. You have to set your boundaries and then stick to them, all the while pretending there are none. Sort of.
And sometimes, it is possible, to get sucked into the fairytale you create. I did 4 times. The first time it was the married man who heaped me with compliments and spoke romantically on the phone. I enjoyed the one and only booking I had with him and so I would respond to his sweet phone calls. Then he asked to stop by for a coffee and I agreed. I wasn’t sure if he meant payed or not payed, but I stupidly agreed. The affair lasted thee months before I told his wife (yep, you read right, I told his wife – a story of heartbreak for another time). The second was with a young guy, I had seen a couple of times, taken a liking to him and given him my private number, we hung out a few times before it faded to nothing. And there was the rich guy who wanted to rescue me, so I went to his hotel room spent the night with him and allowed him to pay my rent before he drove me crazy with his controlling ways and so I ended it. But this post is about the last time I dated a client outside of work.
I was actually working in a brothel at the time, and this client had been seeing me for nearly two years. Every couple of weeks he would book, for two hours, tip me very well and treat me like a princess. He was tall, dark, handsome, he had a European accent, was very intelligent, well-travelled, dressed in designer style and had a full head of thick dark hair. I had a massive crush on him, and everyone in the brothel knew it and would tease me about it.
So one day at the end of the booking he said that he wanted to take me out for dinner, I giggled but didn’t respond (clients say a lot of things they don’t mean – so do I). But he had his phone number already written down and he left it on the bedside table (like I said, I couldn’t really run out of the room and ask the receptionist for a pen, wouldn’t go down so well). The only question in my mind now was how long I should wait before I called him.
I waited two days before I texted him. I had to explain who I was, because for two years he had known me as a different name. We arranged to meet at a nice restaurant and after dinner we went for a walk on the beach. He was divine. We talked about travel and world politics and we kissed as we watched the sunset. I had already decided beforehand that I would not sleep with him that night, no matter how much I wanted to, so at the end of the date, I went home alone.
The next weekend we went on a second date. This time, we were a little more familiar with each other, my real personality began to shine through a little more and the date wasn’t as exciting but felt more comfortable. This time, I went back to his apartment after dinner. We made love, had sex, fucked or whatever for most of the night. It was ok, but for some reason, I was a little bored. Maybe excitement of getting the hooker to fuck him for free was gone, I’m not sure but something had changed. When he dropped me at my car in the morning he said something that I’ll never forget, and it made me laugh. He said “now try not to get too obsessed with me darling” !!!!! And he was perfectly serious!!
Its ok, I burst into laughter and said “darling, do I look like the type of girl who gets obsessed with men?”. I really did find it the most stupid and amusing thing to say. I mean, really!!
He never called again, and neither did I. He never came back to the brothel either. And I never dated another client.
The moral of the story is that when you date a client, you are only loosing what was, or what could have been a good regular customer.
No matter how well you get along, how good-looking they are, or how much fun you have together, you cannot be sure that will equate to anything in the real world. Sometimes my clients become regulars and might form genuine connections and feelings of respect, perhaps elements of friendships, but, it is limited and somewhat, manufactured. I mean, everything is peachy when your drinking champagne in the spa with the doors to the outside world locked and the phone on silent, but in reality, there is… well…. reality. So it can only be a fairly shallow connection. It’s pretty small odds that the connection will morph into something worthy of risking my asking price for.
So would I date a client outside of work? Never again. As you may have read at the bottom of this blog, I am cheap and easy, but NEVER at the same time!!